Forgiveness . . .

We are always so quick to want forgiveness but so slow to give it.

So last month, I got into a conversation about exes, and I just started to think, BLAH! As everyone I guess does because when a relationship does not work and even if it ends in what people call “good terms” feelings are still hurt, someone gets blamed and well you are bitter until you move on. It’s a cycle, we all go through it. But one thing that scared me, which of course is totally dumb, is the fact that exes or people who I have hurt in the past, although they might have forgiven me, might think bad of me or talk bad of me or even worst wish for something bad to happen to me. (Which secretly in a way, I feel some people got their wish)

Also, if they are like I am, I am stubborn and once you hurt me I can forgive you but I can not forget and forgiving is so hard for me specially when it’s people that I love that you have hurt. So I realized that I am so tough on people when they have hurt me or hurt someone I love, I lose trust so fast, I lose faith so fast. I want people to be perfect, I guess, and expect people to think they same way I do, but thank God, they don’t! We are all different and I should be easier on people. I have been hurt so many times, I guess I lost hope on people, but recently after my Lupus diagnosis, people who I thought were gone for good helped me out when I needed them the most. They stood by me, wrote me, donated, reached out to me. I was and am so grateful!

I guess what I am getting at is that it is totally OK and even liberating to Forgive. But most of all it is extremely rewarding when you learn to forgive yourself. I believe I am so afraid about the people I have hurt, because I haven’t forgiven myself. I remember that during a trip to Disney world with my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jazmin, her and I actually got in a fight. I do not know why, I was being grouchy because I think I was hungry and I just snapped at her. A few minutes later, we were laughing thinking we were totally dumb for fighting and we forgot the whole thing as if it never happened. I wish things were as simple as that.

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